The Legend of Zorro

(L-R) Catherine Zeta-Jones,Antonio Banderas. © 2005 Columbia Pictures. All rights reserved.

There’s little reason to make a sequel except money, the prospect of which isn’t extraordinarily promising as second efforts go. I keep thinking to myself, “They could have started from scratch, even with the same plot, different characters,” but I’m forgetting two things: 1) How heavily studios bank on star-driven franchises and 2) the scarcity of original ideas. So here we are, with “The Legend of Zorro.”

What unnecessary story did the writers (any time a film requires four of them, it’s not a good sign) cobble together this time? Don Alejandro de Vega, aka Zorro (Antonio Banderas), and his gorgeous wife Elena (Catherine Zeta-Jones) have a son from the end of the first movie, in case anyone cared, named Joaquin (Adrian Alonso). With Alejandro… er… Zorro… constantly out defending the people, Joaquin doesn’t have a steady father figure. Consequently, Joaquin raises mischief here and there, including developing a role as the school teacher’s nemesis. His classmates cheer as he breaks into adorable Zorro Jr. antics, but his father is not amused.

Let me state now that little Adrian Alonso is the best thing about this movie. This is impressive, given that child actors tend to be the weakest element in a movie as so few of them can act without seeming like they’re acting. Alonso livens up a story that’s otherwise D.O.A.

In a semi-retread of every action movie that ever involved the struggle for freedom of an oppressed people (sadly, even “Three Amigos” comes to mind), the film is set in San Mateo, 1850, just as California is about to gain statehood. The bell rings out—a call to Zorro for help—as bad things are afoot and the movie is in dire need of some swashbuckling to keep the audience engaged with action, since the story is constructed with no other purpose—that is, except for the subplot about how Alejandro is, naturally, being the stereotypical hero who doesn’t spend enough time with his kid.

There’s a vote by the people to accept the new state Constitution, but this is nearly thwarted by the local bad guy, McGivens (Nick Chinlund) and his band of men whose fighting skills are so feeble they could have been Imperial Stormtroopers in another life. McGivens is offended by the idea that America is “extending its empire to inferior races.” Naturally, Zorro shows up just in time to make things difficult for him and his merry band of incompetents.

I liked some of the ineraction between Zorro and his trusty (albeit mischievous) horse, Tornado. In one scene, while Zorro/Alejandro gets drunk after an argument with Elena, he’s resting atop Tornado. The horse, leaning against the side of the building, looking a bit iffy himself, chugs from the bottle after Zorro throws it to the ground. In another scene, Zorro tells his horse where to go. Tornado, needing work on his English, finally responds when Zorro repeats the instructions in Spanish. Not as funny as a similar moment in “Kung Fu Hustle” where a dying man quotes Sean Connery in an otherwise Chinese-speaking film, but cute nonetheless.

Zorro’s other sidekick is a local friar who helps him in a jam or two. However, gone is the charm and eloquence of Anthony Hopkins, who played Zorro’s predecessor and mentor in the first film.

The plot gets mildly interesting in two instances… McGivens and his posse try to force a man and his wife off their land, and one gets the sense there’s a larger plot behind the acquisition of it. Also, Zorro receives a divorce decree from Elena, who leaves him for Armand (Rufus Sewell), a man she knew years before at finishing school, but not before she is confronted by two men in what appears to be some sort of set-up. Just who is being set up and by whom, I won’t spoil… but once you see the film it will be relatively easy to figure out.

There’s a plot to take over the world, some large explosions with pretty fake-looking fire effects (They clearly had enough money to hire Banderas, they couldn’t afford to set that bare patch of land on fire for real?) and fight choreography that’s shot at such distances with so many cuts and such careful choreography that these scenes just seem to be going through the motions, with nothing at stake to keep you at the edge of your seat.

If you want to see great action sequences, well-developed characters, realistic visual effects, and an entertaining, somewhat original and engaging plot, you’re better off renting “Batman Begins” instead.

The Legend of Zorro • Dolby® Digital surround sound in select theatres • MPAA Rating: PG for sequences of violence/peril and action, language and a couple of suggestive moments. • Distributed by Columbia Pictures