The Three Musketeers
Here’s hoping no students will cheat on a book report by watching the latest big-screen incarnation of The Three Musketeers, because their grade will likely be on par with this ill-conceived big-budget misfire.
Credit might be due to director Paul W.S. Anderson (Resident Evil) for the audacity to rework the venerable Alexandre Dumas swashbuckling novel to include amped-up action sequences, abundant 3D special effects, gratuitous clevage and anachronisms galore, yet the result seems to mistake frenetic for exciting, and stylish for substantive.
However, for those who like their visions of 17th century France complete with dueling zeppelins, flame throwers and surfer-dude expressions, maybe they won’t care that Dumas’ story (while not exactly great literature in the first place) has been stripped of its charm and soul.
The film does follow the basic outline of the novel, with brash young D’Artagnan (Logan Lerman) venturing to Paris hopeful of joining the fledgling Musketeers trio of Athos (Matthew Macfadyen), Porthos (Ray Stevenson) and Aramis (Luke Evans).
His arrival coincides with the hatching of a plot by scheming Cardinal Richelieu (Christoph Waltz) to seize the French throne from King Louis XIII. The Musketeers are the main obstacle to the plan, which also involves the duplicitous Milady de Winter (Milla Jovovich) and the mysterious Duke of Buckingham (Orlando Bloom).
The lively pace assures that it’s never boring. But Anderson acts almost as if the source material, along with the screenplay adapted by Andrew Davies (Circle of Friends) and Alex Litvak, with its period costumes and old-fashioned swordplay, is a hindrance in his quest to include as many explosions and slow-motion fight scenes as possible.
It’s hard to remember a film in which the actors aren’t on the same page to this degree. Lerman (Percy Jackson and the Olympians) seems to have walked straight off a California beach, and Jovovich has this mistaken for another of her Resident Evil sequels. Gabriella Wilde, playing D’Artagnan’s love interest Constance, is just atrocious. Waltz seems the smartest in not taking this mess seriously as he takes the top prize in the contest for the best goatee and shoulder-length wig among the male actors.
This Three Musketeers might provide its share of mindless entertainment, but a more gifted filmmaker could have found a more innovative way to adapt it for a new generation. Judging from the ending, by the way, a franchise is part of the plan.
Rated PG-13, 110 minutes.