Stanley, Malcolm, and Lindsay

This week, we begin in outer space:

I Am Number Four (**1/2)
In addition to being the first major film of the year to prominently feature a beagle, I Am Number Four also delivers an entertaining pastiche of puppy love, science fiction loopiness, and an over-produced Michael Bay special effects extravaganza. Director D.J. Caruso (Disturbia) assembles a relatively unknown but blandly handsome young cast (with Timothy Olyphant called in to baby-sit) for a laughable science fiction fantasy about an alien race sent to earth but tracked by alien-enemies intent on destroying them. Or something like that. Only young characters could approach this seriously, so they also become the ones who must waltz through a list of routine, school-day movie cliches, such as the new kid beating up the gang of bullies who threaten either him and/or the requisite nerd. And, of course, two young starry-eyed romantics fall in love, quickly creating a romance that means no less than the fate of the universe. Using Jobie Hughes and James Frey’s source novel, I Am Number Four starts slow before building to its loud, chaotic showdown. But before its rollicking conclusion, director Caruso chronicles several other worldly encounters to establish that the whimsically named John Smith (Alex Pettyfer) hails from beyond, the fourth of a band of warriors destined to combat the other invading marauders. Defenders one, two, and three have heard the chimes at midnight, so, to avoid detection, John and his guardian protector Henry (Olyphant) move to remote Paradise, Ohio. But, once there, those pesky super-powers keep giving them away. From there, the film devolves into school-yard silliness, as bonds form and love blossoms with the popular local girl (Dianna Agron) before the bad guys circle for the final showdown.

Act three delivers the film’s auditorium-rattling special effects, as various forces take sides and the fireworks begin. The two love struck leads follow the script and somehow keep a straight face during their romps through various dangers from heavily tattooed outer space creatures, as well as computer-generated dragons and demons. Never to be taken seriously, “I Am Number Four” still delivers some mildly diverting entertainment. But, like most things, it could have used a few more beagles.

Rated PG-13, 110 minutes. The DVD, available in all formats, offers three minutes of bloopers, a 12 minute “making of” featurette, and six deleted scenes of nineteen minutes.

Burning Palms (***)
Writer/director Christopher B. Landon assembles an eclectic cast for his five-part anthology centering mostly on wry sexual observations: a father (Dylan McDermott) displays uncomfortable fondness for his daughter, a woman (Jamie Chung) regrets giving in to her boyfriend’s needs, a gay couple has second thoughts about adopting an African baby, and a rape victim (Zoe Saldana) confronts her attacker (Nick Stahl) with a surprising request.

Rated R, 112 minutes.

The Big Bang (**1/2)
With a plot suspiciously similar to 1944’s Murder My Sweet, from Raymond Chandler’s novel Farewell My Lovely, this contemporary mystery sports a mediocre cast wandering in stylish surroundings. Antonio Banderas plays Ned Cruz, the private investigator hired by a recently released convict to find his girlfriend/pen pal who has vanished with a payload of diamonds. Cruz’ pursuit takes him through Los Angeles’ under-belly and into the New Mexican desert, where an eccentric billionaire (Sam Elliott) prepares to unleash his super-collider Big Bang experiment. Not content with a passable entertainment, director Tony Krantz repeatedly, and pretentiously, references Plato, Newton, the cosmic constant, and the god particle, trying but failing to gain some sort of intellectual legitimacy.

Not rated, 101 minutes. The DVD, in all formats, contains commentary, a 20 minute “making of” featurette, and four minutes of extended scenes.

Broken Hill (***)
In the Australian outback, Tommy (Luke Arnold) plays football for his demanding single father (Timothy Hutton, speaking Australian). But Tommy also shows promise with his musical compositions, to his macho father’s annoyance. After being caught in a prank instigated by Kat (Alex Vega), an American transfer student, the two end up doing community service at a local prison. There, Tommy organizes an amateur orchestra so as to perform one of his compositions at a big event in Sydney. This standard but heart-felt romantic-drama about the regenerative powers of music wanders in familiar but comforting territory

Rated PG, 102 minutes. The DVD contains commentary.

MLB Bloopers: Doubleheader, Prime 9: MLB Heroics
‘Tis the season, so paraphrasing Ernie Banks’ immortal dictum, “It’s a beautiful day. Let’s play two,”: let’s watch two instead. These two titles from Major League Baseball and the MLB Network provide hours of entertainment for baseball fans, whether in the extended form of “Bloopers,” broken into “Baseball’s Best Blunders,” and “The Funny Side of Baseball,” or in the nine innings of “Heroics,” which contains nine episodes highlighting various superlatives: Home Runs, Pitching Season, All Star Moments, Comebacks, Best World Series, and more. Neither set is rated.

Bloopers: 125 minutes, Heroics: 214 minutes.

The Beautiful Person (**1/2)
In this French melodrama, sullen Junie ( Lea Seydoux) finds herself in a new high school also attended by her cousin. There, his, and then her, tight group of friends all seem to be sleeping with each other, and then subsequently going through insufferable bouts of angst when they stop. Junie fights against a romance with a young teacher, even though she loves him and knows he loves her. Quel dommage.

Not rated, 90 minutes.

And, for the kids this week:

Gnomeo and Juliet (**1/2)
In this Disney animated feature, Shakespeare’s play about star-cross’d lovers becomes a playground for warring families of gnomes. An excellent voice cast of Emily Blunt, Michael Caine, James McAvoy, Jason Statham, Ozzy Osbourne and others convey that: “never was a tale more of woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo,” uh, Gnomeo.

Rated G, 84 minutes. The DVD, in Blu-ray and Combo Packs, offers two alternate endings, an alternate opening, six deleted scenes, music videos, and more.

The North Star, The Scrambled State of America
Scholastic Schoolbook Treasures offer these two collections of animated stories, with Star containing four from author Peter H. Reynolds and narrated by Zooey Deschnael and others. In America, based on four stories from Laurie Keller’s book, the fifty states come to life before being scrambled. Both sets offer read-along options, discussion questions, and more. Neither is rated and both run around an hour.

And, from the week’s TV files:

Lemonade Mouth—extended edition
This Disney Channel movie, based on Mark Peter Hughes’ book, debuts ten new songs from the young cast, including Bridget Mendler, Adam Hicks, Haley Kiyoko, and others. They make up part of the crew stuck in high school detention hall who discover their common musical affinities, which leads them to creating their own band, Lemonade Mouth.

Rated TV-G, 107 minutes. The DVD, available in several formats, offers extended performances, and a “rockalong” with the band.

IRT: The Deadliest Roads—Season One
This spinoff from cable channel History’s popular Ice Road Truckers series examines perilous roadways not covered by ice. Drivers Rick Yemm, Alex Debogorski and Lisa Kelly travel around the globe to test their skills. Thirteen episodes come on three discs.

Not rated, 450 minutes. The DVD, available on Blu-ray, also includes additional footage.

Also on DVD: Forget Me Not, Papillon. Public Speaking, Seconds Apart.