The A-Team

Hollywood lately has been making three kinds of movies: The remake, the reboot and the sequel/prequel.  When the ability to copy-paste a competent origin or continuation fails, there’s the fourth option: The franchise.  In this case, it took two writers and four producers to write a mediocre adaptation of Stephen J. Cannell’s TV series.  After successful runs in the 1970s with Adam-12, Black Sheep Squadron and The Rockford Files, Mr. Cannell produced The A-Team, Hardcastle and McCormick, Wiseguy and 21 Jump Street, among others.  Action with comedic touches became the most often-imitated, defining formula of successful, 1980s prime-time television.

Here, writer/director Joe Carnahan (Narc, Smokin’ Aces) cobbles together a jumbled narrative, loosely based on the original series’ plot:  The members of an elite Army Ranger “alpha” unit are framed for a crime they didn’t commit, and set out to clear their names.  The film gives them a brief back story, so we know that Col. John “Hannibal” Smith (Liam Neeson) escaped from captivity in the Mexican desert.  Bosco “B.A.” Baracus (Quinton “Rampage” Jackson) just happens to be in the area with his newly restored van.  You need not guess what happens to the van; the trailer already spoiled it.  Along the way, they pick up Templeton “Faceman” Peck (Bradley Cooper in the Dirk Benedict role) and H.M. “Howlin’ Mad” Murdock (Sharlto Copley).  Henry Czerny, in a brief appearance as CIA Director McReady,  is underused in his typecast role as the abrasive G-man (Mission: Impossible, Clear and Present Danger).

The movie jumps ahead “8 years and 80 missions later,” to the Middle East.  An Iranian counterfeiting operation is being resurrected, and General Morrison (Gerald McRaney, an 80’s veteran from the long-running Simon & Simon standing in for Robert Vaughn from the original) wants the A-Team to find and recover the engraving plates.  Just as quickly, the umpteenth movie analogue of the infamous Blackwater security group shows up in time to run interference on their plan.  A pause for tepid laughter should have been inserted when their name, Blackthorn, is mentioned.  Another pause when someone describes the funny money as “unbacked American currency.”  American currency hasn’t been backed since 1933.  Nobody told the CIA, apparently.

While it’s fruitless to really dissect this film, it’s entertaining nonetheless:  When did Hannibal have time to dismantle his pistol to remove the firing pin before his apprehension in Mexico?  How does he manage to re-insert it with seconds to spare before the soldiers kill him?  Note how every close up of Liam Neeson has him in high-contrast lighting, in the far left or far right of frame, with nothing behind him.  Mr. Neeson’s grunting dialogue execution needs a visual trick to add to his character, unlike George Peppard whose eloquence and lightheartedness commanded at any angle.  Mr. Jackson should, for that matter, never be in a film again.  He appears to pause, mid-sentence, as if he’s doing line readings off cue cards.  He lacks the hyper flow of Mr. T, and has zero charisma.

Mike Post’s iconic theme is echoed by Alan Silvestri, but the former’s whimsical musical cues are replaced by an attempt at modern action movie cues, edgy, metal… boring.  The cinematography isn’t worth writing about, but for the excessive use of CG in a climactic sequence aboard a freighter where dozens of computer-generated steel containers fall everywhere like bricks.  If they couldn’t have done this with a real ship, close-ups with a handful of containers would have been satisfying, convincing and nearer to the aesthetic of the original series.

Between the Blackthorn cross-plot, CIA antics (a running gag is that every agent seems to be named Lynch) and ludicrously-arranged stunts, the story becomes more convoluted than it should.  Even so, the outcome is heavily predictable.  Any observant viewer can ascertain the identity of the villain rather quickly.  But that doesn’t much seem to be the point.  The real point, as it always was for The A-Team, was to see: vehicles and large objects exploding in ridiculous fashion, B.A. pitying some fools, Face making glib conversation with pretty women and evil captors, Murdoch’s insane piloting and Hannibal’s plan coming together while he victoriously chomps his cigar.  The movie has these moments, reserved for fans of the show, but it doesn’t set itself apart from most TV franchise adaptations to the big screen.  It’s disposable fun.  Check your brain at the door on the way in.  Drop all memory of the movie on your way out.

The A-Team • Dolby® Digital surround sound in select theatres • Aspect Ratio: 2.35:1 • Running Time: 117 minutes • MPAA Rating: PG-13 for intense sequences of action and violence throughout, language and smoking. • Distributed by Twentieth-Century Fox Film Corp.

Dolby and the double-D symbol are registered trademarks of Dolby Laboratories.