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Keeping Up With the Steins

As a movie intended to be a comedy about ethnic idiosyncrasies and, to a lesser extent, religious beliefs, “Steins” presents us with limited shades of Jews—e.g. the ridiculously-wealthy Steins throwing a “Titanic” themed party complete with stage show on the aforementioned ocean liner for their son’s Bar Mitzvah, but Grandpa Irwin (Garry Marshall) can barely afford the shirt on his back. Is there no middle ground to being a Jew? Surely, just as…

X-Men: The Last Stand

Rarely does a title tell you everything you really need to know about a movie, but, truly, could you put up with any more spandex and bad one-liners after this? I, for one, doubt it. In this particular installment (I dare not suggest it’s the last… is that ever the case?), the progressively-minded students of Charles Xavier (Patrick Stewart) and the anarchistic devotees of Magneto (Ian McKellen) are yet…

Over the Hedge

Generally, I find animated films revolving around some sort of needlessly complicated journey—inevitably proving to be entirely avoidable by the end of the film—tiresome and even grating. But, this time, something interesting happened on the way to the candy store. Does “Over the Hedge” disprove my theory? Probably not… especially since it’s not…

The Da Vinci Code

A sandstorm of media insanity has preceded this movie like an army of Oprah devotees marching into the streets to beat you in the head until you buy the self-professed prophet’s most treasured book of the month, week, hour or minute… I have not read the book, but I will make no comparisons to it in my evaluation of the movie. On its own merits…
 

Water

Chuyia (Sarala), not even ten years old, was to be married but her father informs her, coldly, “Your husband is dead. You are a widow now.” Chuyia, clearly at this age not even yet aware of the finiteness of life, asks, “For how long father?” According to at least some interpretations of the Laws of Manu, ancient Hindu scriptures, widows are forbidden to remarry. So, Chuyia is to…

Just My Luck

The story seems like a “Freaky Friday” rehash. Ashley, a public relations agent working for Peggy Braden (Missi Pyle), scores an opportunity to put together a PR event for record executive Damon Phillips (Faizon Love). Jake is an aspiring producer doing sound for a British rock group, McFly. Somewhere along this dreadfully languid plot the twain shall meet. Of course this occurs at

Poseidon

The movie begins with a tired shot: The camera sweeps past the gigantic CG ship, tracking briefly alongside Dylan Johns (Josh Lucas) as he’s running. The camera sweeps again to show us (cue angelic choir) a sunset that looks as ostensibly fake as the ship. Generic music rises with tribal drums and swelling horns, regurgitating the mood if not the exact melodies of Klaus Badelt’s…

The Promise

“The Promise” is one of those films that begins with, “When the world was young…” Whatever its idiosyncrasies, this mythology-regurgitating film does have some qualities. A young girl steals a biscuit from the hands of a fallen soldier on a battlefield. Instantly, one soldier seems to come alive—a child, actually. He takes the bread but offers it back if she promises to…