Watching the 52nd Annual Grammy® Awards, I was on a bit of a tear posting nonstop updates to my friends on Facebook as the show went on. Filmmaker Nina Paley suggested I post the entire collection as an article on Cinemalogue. So here are my comments and observations, unedited:
Rubin Safaya No WAY… GaGa just intro’d Pokerface in the lyrical meter of Bohemian Rhapsody!
Rubin Safaya That’s SIR Elton Freaking John, ladies and gentlemen. 52nd Annual Gramophone “Grammy” Awards.
Rubin Safaya Go to hell, Jay-Z. Have a sense of humor about your ridiculous-ass self.
Rubin Safaya Speaking of American Idiot… J-Lo, ladies and gentlemen.
Rubin Safaya Ok, Lincoln commercial… Listen, “which artist will CREATE the next song” for your commercial? CREATE? Um, that stupid ass band covering Major Tom did not WRITE it. Peter Schilling did. Thanks for contributing to music history illiteracy already furthered enough by P. Diddy and every rap producer this side of Los Angeles.
Rubin Safaya Security, please keep your eye out for that moron Kanye. Taylor Swift is on stage accepting the award for her dumb-assed watered down garbage.
Rubin Safaya Oh dear god. Beyonce you are NOT Michael Jackson. You can’t make this military marching thing work for you. You just look like an ass-clown. Works for me. You’re married to Mr. Ass-clown.
Rubin Safaya She’s covering Alanis? A bad artist covered by a far worse artist is like holding up two broken mirrors pointed at each other.
Rubin Safaya The Grammys are now officially known as The “this person feat. that person” awards. Seriously, NARAS/RIAA is desperate to boost sales by pairing up everyone because aside from GaGa, not a one of these morons possesses half the talent of a single recording artist.
Rubin Safaya Metro un-PCS. Wow, I’ve rarely seen a more racist commercial…. or a funnier racist commercial. And I’m Indian!
Rubin Safaya Ok, Seal is class. I can tolerate him.
Rubin Safaya Ok they’re not ALL morons. P!nk takes the stage. Good work collaborating with Linda Perry. Keep her employed behind the console, because I couldn’t stand another Four Non Blondes album.
Rubin Safaya P!nk, you’re wearing too much clothing!
Rubin Safaya Who the hell are these people? Best New Artist? I have no idea what anyone listens to any more.
Rubin Safaya (Referring to dancers’ costumes) What is this? Transformers?
Rubin Safaya Swift is really strangling the cat tonight, and every other time I’ve seen her perform live.
Rubin Safaya It is an interesting coincidence that Conan O’Brien’s run on the Tonight Show, which ran for the seven months since MJ’s death, ended with Conan asking us all to be a little less cynical. MJ, who like us, grew up in the Post-Kennedy era of American cynicism, asked the same of us… to be less cynical and more conscientious. He asked us for decades. When will we begin to listen?
Rubin Safaya Ok what the hell kind of dance is whatsherface doing back there behind Ritchie Sambora?
Rubin Safaya PLACIDO! MOS! There’s a range of talents for you.
Rubin Safaya Best Rap/Sung Collaboration… just call it the Kanye West Award already, since he inserts himself into EVERY freaking production.
Rubin Safaya Thanking Nike and your tux designer first? Jesus Christ, Jay-Z, you couldn’t be more tacky if you had a diamond studded grill and a bottle of Courvoisier in hand…. or a diamond studded grill with the word Courvoisier embossed on it in platinum.
Rubin Safaya René Angélil looks like a museum piece. Hang him in the Louvre… Céline too.
Rubin Safaya Oh great, Andrea Bocelli… the Soulja Boy of tenors.
Rubin Safaya Bridge Over Troubled Water? Apropos for the recording industry.
Rubin Safaya Hey, Emilio… I loved you in St. Elmo’s Fire.
Rubin Safaya I have never liked Dave Matthews… for the sole reason that there’s a famous person named Dave Matthews.
Rubin Safaya Dave Matthews is apparently re-enacting his autistic savant character from House.
Rubin Safaya Yo, Beyond-Sane, I’m really happy for you and I’mma let you finish but Dee Snyder had the best hair of all time… OF ALL TIME.
Rubin Safaya L.L. Are you a banker from the 1940’s now?
Rubin Safaya RIP Maurice Jarre, Teddy Pendergrass, Ali Akbar Khan, Les Paul and that guy from The Godfather.
Rubin Safaya I think it’s hilarious watching Jeff Beck lean like a modern rocker while strumming “How High The Moon.”
Rubin Safaya Lil Wayne performing “Blankety blank blank.”
Rubin Safaya Pull up your goddamned pants, Lil Brayne.
Rubin Safaya Apparently the producers forgot to bleep a word in that performance. But there was no man-on-man kissing, so I don’t expect the religious nutcases in America to complain. Maybe the grammys should have more action scenes with lots of explosions and deaths… I’ll bet money the Christian fundamentalists wouldn’t phone in a single complaint.