Robin Hood

We hardly needed another big-screen version of Robin Hood. And we really didn’t need this particular new version, which somehow fails to clear an already low bar.

This embarrassing misfire uses the oft-told fantasy legend as a launch pad for a revisionist superhero adventure that strains to be hip and clever but winds up stale and clichéd.

Co-opting the worst tendencies of Baz Luhrmann and Guy Ritchie, this misguided origin story is a chaotic battle epic that emphasizes modern effects-driven spectacle over character development or narrative coherence.

From the moment the title character first introduces himself as “Rob,” you pretty much know what you’re in for. “Forget what you already know,” intones the bland opening narration, suggesting surprises that never come.

We’re left following Robin of Loxley (Taron Egerton), an ace marksman who returns from war to reunite with his beloved Marian (Eve Hewson), only to find that the corrupt Sheriff of Nottingham (Ben Mendelsohn) has seized his family’s property during a greedy crackdown on war taxes.

So Robin assumes his magnanimous alter-ego disguised in a hood, partnering with fellow revenge-seeking war veteran Little John (Jamie Foxx) and timid sidekick Friar Tuck (Tim Minchin), while convincing the sheriff that he’s an ally. Once his true identity is revealed, of course, the conflict begins in earnest between Robin and the evil henchmen, forcing the townsfolk to choose sides.

Distracting anachronisms abound along the way, although in fairness, it’s never made clear exactly when the movie is set. It’s merely an uninspired reworking of already familiar material in a slightly flashier package.

The feature debut of director Otto Bathurst, a veteran of British television, is handsomely mounted while showcasing some proficient archery and horsemanship. Yet it relies much too heavily on loud and elaborate action set pieces in an effort to compensate for the wooden dialogue and an emotionally hollow script that takes itself way too seriously.

Plus, the rookie screenwriting duo of Ben Chandler and David James Kelly could have done more to draw out the obvious contemporary parallels with themes of political oppression, religious intolerance, and socioeconomic inequality.

As this fiasco winds down, Robin Hood has the audacity to hint at a sequel that hopefully will never be made. In this case, moviegoers are the ones getting robbed.

Rated PG-13, 116 minutes.