Mortdecai

When there’s a silly accent and nutty mustache coupled together, Johnny Depp can’t be far behind. Yet Depp can’t come close to rescuing Mortdecai, his latest adventure playing an eccentric oddball.

For starters, it never settles on a satisfactory tone, whether it attempts to be a satire of British aristocracy and the stuffy high-art scene, or a breezy caper comedy, or a raunchy sex farce. Those are supposed to be funny, and the laughs in this misguided lampoon are labored and intermittent at best.

Mortdecai is a boorish London art aficionado obsessed with his curled facial hair whose debonair charm has allowed his shady business dealings to avoid the scrutiny of the authorities, including an MI5 agent (Ewan McGregor) whose real motive for engaging Mortdecai in witty repartee is to get closer to his beleaguered wife (Gwyneth Paltrow).

Both men have their sights set on recovering a stolen Goya painting that holds a secret to even more riches — for different reasons, of course — which involves the narcissistic Mortdecai in a whirlwind chase involving Russians, terrorists and rogues as the artwork in question is prepared for auction.

The film squanders talent on both sides of the camera, including director David Koepp (Premium Rush), who is best known as a screenwriter but doesn’t receive a writing credit here for the first time.

Rather, that distinction goes to Eric Aronson (On the Line), who adapted the script — which aspires to become both low-brow and high-minded — from a series of crime novels by Kyril Bonfiglioli. The overloaded quirks grow tiresome pretty quickly, and it’s difficult to root for any of these bumbling goofballs when it transitions into more of an elaborate heist picture.

At least Koepp keeps the pace lively as the action frenetically shifts between global locales from Paris to Los Angeles to Hong Kong. And sure, there are some scattered throwaway gags that hit the mark, mostly involving the unintentional pain inflicted by Mortdecai on his buffed-up bodyguard and manservant (Paul Bettany).

Depp seems to have some fun interpreting his character and tossing off sardonic quips, but the rest of the cast appears to be essentially gritting their collective teeth. It won’t take long for bewildered moviegoers to discover why.

Rated R, 106 minutes.