Red Dawn

What sentiment is supposed to be evoked by a contemporary remake of the cheesy action flick Red Dawn, that bastion of loud-and-proud 1980s testosterone?

Is it nostalgia for those who have made the original a cult classic or forgotten its crappy quality? Is it patriotism for its peculiar flag-waving attitude toward protecting the United States against its enemies? Is it nausea for proving not only that there’s an overall lack of fresh ideas in Hollywood but an oblivious attitude toward rehashing old ones?

Of course, it’s a rhetorical question, because any thoughtful analysis of Red Dawn is more than this silliness deserves. It’s an ill-conceived reworking of the 1984 film that changes the time and place but retains the laughably serious tone and gleefully preposterous plotting.

The story takes place in Spokane, Wash., where an invasion of North Korean paratroopers leads to an enemy occupation of the city in which the citizens become prisoners. The attack takes everyone by surprise, including siblings Jed (Chris Hemsworth) and Matt (Josh Peck), who flee with their friends to a remote cabin.

One training montage and one inspirational speech later, and the resilient youngsters have formed an army of guerrilla resistance fighters known as the Wolverines, trying to save the world just in time for the homecoming football game.

The characters aren’t very interesting, the script contains gigantic gaps in logic, and the villains are nondescript, which perhaps is a product of the attacking country being changed from China to North Korea during post-production, presumably for marketing reasons.

Of course, all of this is intended to be disguised by a barrage of bullets and bravado, with action sequences coming at a relentless pace (complete with hand-held cameras and an abundance of special effects) and butts being kicked in creative fashion. The only thing missing is a fist-pumping icon in the corner of the screen.

It might have been more tolerable if it didn’t take itself so seriously. Apparently rookie director Dan Bradley and his screenwriters believe audiences will be inspired by this sort of false heroism. In reality, it either needs to try satire or convey a sense of realistic dread to garner any sort of emotional reaction.

Red Dawn doesn’t even work as brainless fun, but it does know its target audience. As Robert (Josh Hutcherson) shares during a moment of reflection: “Dude, we’re living Call of Duty, and it sucks.”

Rated PG-13, 93 minutes.